Lists and other stuff

In the past and still today, one of my [less destructive] coping mechanisms when going through some sh*t is to make lists. I’d make lists of goals, ideas, wants, needs, music, books, even categorizing the contents of my frig & freezer. The number of notebooks I’ve had over the years is probably enough to make a tree mad at me.

When I was 24 and going through it, I made a list of goals to accomplish by 30. I’ve kept it in my notes app since then and accomplished these only in the last 2 years. A trip to Europe is the most recent, and I think I’m still in shock it actually happened.

For myself- lists give me a sense of organization, control, distraction, and direction of my thoughts. Helpful at times, while obsessive in others. When I look back at some, they were made with a scarcity mindset. Taking note of the things I lacked or methodical stock of the things I had was comforting in a way but kept me in fear based thinking. Tracking everything meant it was under my control, right?? It’s hard to imagine a life outside your thoughts with the fear of losing everything.

Now, I still list my goals but include room for gratitudes, things that bring me joy, boundaries and standards, my values, patterns I notice in myself, and my ever growing to-do list after starting that “legit business.”

I encourage you to make a list of your own, or noting anything that seems of importance in this moment of your life and writing it down. Brain dumping is good for us regardless, but an added benefit is seeing your frame of mind in a specific timeline of your life. That alone can show you growth, stagnation, or further understanding of yourself.

I’ve got about 6 months to get the rest of my goals accomplished- although riding a motorcycle again sounds a little different nearing 30 vs. 24 so we will see on that one. If you ever see me stall out at a stoplight, for my dignity, please just wave and keep on moving. Actually, don’t even wave. Just pretend you didn’t see anything and we can all move on.

From your Harley wannabe therapist,

Morgan